novel summary

I have been thinking about my novel.  Since I'm a writer, I guess it's okay if I write about what I'm writing on my blog.  I wrote a very brief summary of the entire book, but I still haven't plugged the gaps in the plot.  I'm basically halving the plot of the novel. However, I did write a summary of chapter one.  I'm going to let you in on that.  Tell me what you think

First, you need to know that my main character Dean is bipolar AND quite delusional.

Dean lives in Hollis Home Residential Care facility.  In his state-mandated therapy session with Dr. Schlitz, whom Dean calls Schitz, the doctor tries to get Dean to talk about his life and his sister's death.  Dean refuses to talk about his life and refuses to ACKNOWLEDGE his sister's death.  It's been two weeks since Dee disappeared. The doctor suggests that they increase his medication which infuriates Dean.  He curses the doctor and storms out the door.  He sees Roger Wulf who asks him what he told the doctor about that night.  Dean pushes him aside and runs to the river.  At the river, he finds one of the partially submerged caves that had recently been completely flooded.  He runs into the cave and discovers his sister's body.  That night, he awakens from a horrible dream and she is standing at his bedside.

I had a good day at school, though overall, I'd have to give the week at least one thumbs down.

I'm in a good mood though I'm too tired to think of anything clever to say.  In my two speech classes we are talking about self esteem.  It seems ironic to me that the self esteem we have or do not have relies mostly on what other people say about us.  In short, we let words from other people control what we become rather than take control of what we can and try to shape ourselves.

By the way, don't forget; you can purchase my YA fantasy at the following link:
http://www.buckscountypublishing.com/portal/BookStore/LancelotandtheTidesofTime.aspx

Boring entry, haiku.

My class went quite well tonight really.  I like my Thursday class; it seems as if they really care about learning.  They want to do their best. It makes teaching much more pleasant.

I can't wait until the playoffs start this weekend.  I don't want to get my hopes up with the Cardinals playing the Phillies, but time and time again, the Redbirds have picked themselves up, dusted themselves off, and kicked some booty.

I am starting my novel over with an entirely different slant.  Shadowland Diaries is no longer half fantasy.  It's a contemporary story of a young man who is battling a serious mental illness and who is so crushed by guilt over his sister's death that he imagines he sees her.  I hope I can get a good handle on this eventually.

This is a boring entry.  I'm sorry.
I think I am just too tired for my mind to function smoothly.
I can't even think of a good crossbyte to use.
At the moment I'm too tired and lazy to even copy and paste an excerpt from one of my books.

How about if I copy the very first poem that I ever had published.  It was a haiku.

Coyote's wail
shivering in the gray dusk
lingers on cold air.

Why not try a haiku.  Three lines, 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables.  It is a snapshot of nature.

Another short but sweet one

My short but sweet entry has the most hits of any one that I have written.  It's almost bed time, so I'll keep this one short too.

Perhaps, I'll begin with a comment on the Cardinals.  WOW! 'Nuff said.

Phillies:  Hope they win.

About my writing: it sucks.

About the Rams: they suck too (at the moment).  They probably have more promise than my writing.

How do I feel: tired

What I want: Sleep.

Tomorrow:  Another night class, late afternoon, evening really.  comparison and contrast. research. joy.

Earlier: night class.  I bored myself.  Hate lecturing.  Felt disorganized.

Looking forward to: sleep.

Regretting; long day tomorrow.  would rather sleep.

Interesting words.  World's shortest, but deepest poem.

"Philosopher"
I?
Why?

Commercial:  Buy my book or my plays.
www.brookpub.com
http://www.buckscountypublishing.com/portal/BookStore/LancelotandtheTidesofTime.aspx

Crossbyte: Can't think of anything.  Wait, just did.
You can't always be smart; you can't always be kind; but you can always be you.

My idea of beauty:  when I think in a shallow fashion.

Real Beauty

Just some news

I'll be watching the Cardinals later I imagine.  Two games left, one game behind the wild card.  They had a great opportunity to tie it last night, but they blew it.  Now I'm not so sure they deserve it.  However, every time I say that, they pull themselves up and do some great things.  I guess I will just wait and see.  There is a rumor that Tony might go to the White Sox.  I wouldn't mind seeing that happen because I think we need a new leader, some new blood.

I'm totally disappointed in the Rams.  I knew they were going to have a rough start to the year, but they have looked impotent.  The offensive line is in shambles even though they spent millions of dollars to bring in some new faces.

I don't have a lot else to say about my life at the moment.  Not much happening.  I've been thinking about my writing a lot.  What else is new.

I'm a bit at a loss today.  The Children's Literature Institute thinks I should start on a new novel and temporarily abandon Shadowland Diaries. Their reasoning is that the plot is a little too complicated to be very marketable.  It would be hard for the average reader to follow it.  My instructor says that I have obvious writing talent but that I am trying to do too much.  She might very well be right.

They have said that they could refund my money completely, which most companies wouldn't do since I have been working with them for approximately a year.  My second option is to start the class over with a different novel, something simpler.  Perhaps a straight, contemporary story of a young man battling bipolar disorder without the fantasy land side plot.  I guess that means they don't see my current novel going anywhere, and they don't want me to spend any more time on it for now.  I'm a little torn as to what I should do.

I do have to admit that I keep running into brick walls with Shadowland Diaries, so maybe I could pare it down a lot and keep it in the here and now.  I'm just not sure what I should do.  At any rate, someone from the school is going to call me and discuss it.  I have grown very fond of my two characters Dean and Dee, and I don't really feel like abandoning them.  Sigh, I will have to think about it for a while.

I am a lake

I am a lake
with cold, clear water --
warm in certain seasons.
I may seem shallow
but my currents run deep.
Though my surface seems calm,
my water can storm up
and drown you in waves of rage --
bury you in a liquid grave.

NOTE: in my classes today, I made my students do a extended metaphor poem beginning with "I am".  Just for fun, I did one too.  I left my original at school but the one above is a near copy.

Not bad for an aged poet.  Not good.  But not bad.  Mediocre, maybe.
Why don't you write an "I am" metaphor poem and let me read some?

The funeral pyre, Excerpt from Lancelot and The Tides of Time

 http://www.buckscountypublishing.com/portal/BookStore/LancelotandtheTidesofTime.aspx
Link to purchase Lancelot and the Tides of Time

      "It is the traditional way," Gawaine said, impatience
entering into his voice.
     "Be patient, Gawaine. She doesn't know. Now, the
swords." After they both locked the skeletal hands around
the swords' handles, they glowed with golden light, and as
they watched, the glow crept out from the handle and was
slowly replaced by a gleaming steel blade. Both knights
now held a complete sword in hand. At the top of the blade,
the letters KAC were engraved.
     "What do the letters ..."
     "King Arthur's Camelot," Lancelot said as he pushed
the boat into the water. A small current flowed away from
the beach and toward the other knights.
     "It cannot be."
     The boat drifted toward the middle of the lake. On
the other shore, a knight pulled a bow from his shoulder and
notched an arrow to it. Toward the boat, he fired. The
arrow burst into flames in mid-air and sailed straight and
true to the boat, and when it hit, the straw in the boat
immediately caught fire. Seconds later, flames engulfed it.
     "Now, they have peace," Lancelot said.
     "Look," Galena said. Through Lancelot's body, she
pointed toward the knights who were riding away. One by
one the first ten knights shimmered, and they and their
horses faded away. Then, the air around the two riderless
horses shimmered, and gradually, two figures replaced it.
     Trilesa gasped. On one horse sat a beautiful woman with
long red hair hanging to her shoulders, and on the other sat a
tall, muscled knight with jet-black hair.
     “It is them,” Lancelot whispered. “The two who
were closest to King Arthur –“ He paused.
     Each raised a sword in the air as Lancelot knelt.
Overcome with emotion, Trilesa also knelt. The two knights
raised their swords.
     They lowered them a few inches.
     Lancelot felt a tap on his shoulder. He held his breath. And
in unison, they raised their swords again and lowered them.
Lancelot felt a tap on the other shoulder. He closed his
eyes, too overcome to look up. Several seconds passed.
     "They're gone now," Gumpley said.
     Trilesa stood and stared at what she could see of
herself. "What is this?" She asked.
     Lancelot whistled in amazement. Leather-like
armor, vest and pants, covered her. Also, he noticed a
sword hung in a sheath attached to a belt. Neither had been
there seconds before. Lancelot looked at himself.
     "You have the same," Trilesa said. "What does it
mean?"
     Lancelot's eyes glowed with pride. "It means I am a
knight again.”
     “But what about me?”
     “You too."
     "All of us?" Gawaine asked.
     "All of us,” Lancelot said.
     "All right, Sir Lancelot, what we do next? ..

swww.suomussalmi2011.blogspot.com

Fall is here, ready or not.

On Friday, when I left for work at 6 a.m. or so, it was 47 degrees.  Yesterday, my wife and I spent about two or three hours raking and burning leaves.  I think those are signs of fall.  Now, for the next five or six months, we get to gripe about how cold it is.

Fall and winter make me think of death.  I know, cliche.  It makes everyone think of death -- or maybe I just think that all people are as morbid and melancholic as I am.  Let's face it though.  We have to go through the death in the fall and winter before we go through the resurrection of the spring.  I love the cool weather, but fall still makes me a little blue.  I think I may have along with many other mental disorders a tad bit of SAD: seasonal affective disorder.  Lack of sunshine contributes to it, I know.

I am watching the Cardinals right now, and shortly, I'll be watching the Rams. It's a big weekend for the Redbirds.  And the Rams have to start showing me they actually have a decent team or else I may have to amend my prediction that they are going to end the season at 9-7.  They are playing stupid football -- too many mistakes.  I don't get their approach.  They'll start out with a wide open offense -- one that was so unnerving to the Giants that two of their players fell down crying that they had an injury so that they could slow it down.  Then they get into conservative mode and bore me to death.  What gives!

Well, enough for now.  I'm going to add another blog here in just a second.  I want to post an excerpt from Lancelot.

next to normal

What are you reading at the moment?  I have picked up a copy of the Pulitzer Prize winning musical next to normal.  Wow.  It tells a powerful story about a mother who has a severe case of manic depression or bipolar disorder, the politically correct name for it.  I am fortunate because I have Rhapsody and downloaded the original Broadway cast recording of the songs. I can't read and listen to it all at once.  It's too intense, and I am way too close to it.  I think it is going to be very helpful to me in writing my Shadowlands Diary book. If you know of someone who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, you owe it to yourself and to that person to read this play and get an insight into what goes on in the minds of someone who has the horrible illness.  Warning, the play does have some language, but it is so good -- what I've read so far.

In other writing news,  you can still get Lancelot at the following place:

http://www.buckscountypublishing.com/portal/BookStore/LancelotandtheTidesofTime.aspx

You can order "next to normal" here
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=next+to+normal&x=0&y=0

Narcissistic and Fall.

The word for the day is narcissism. What does it mean and what is its origin?  Do you know?  Put that mirror down and pay attention to me when I'm talking to you.  I would have to say that I am definitely not narcissistic.  One look and anyone could tell you why.

Fall is here, literally and figuratively.  It's about 70 degrees outside now.  We had a shower earlier while the sun was shining at the same time.  Bob Seger has a song that has a line in it about a light rain.  He calls it a sun shower.  I like that image.  Of course, I like just about everything Bob Seger does except for fire lake.  He has a dumb line in it about Uncle Joe being the one afraid to cut the cake.  I would call that a forced rhyme -- not one of his better songwriting efforts.  This morning when I went to work at 6 a.m. it was 47 degrees.  The jacket I had on and the hot coffee I drank felt quite good at the time.

I just received a book that I ordered today.  It's the script for the Broadway play Next to Normal.  My instructor for Children's Literature Institute recommended it to me.  The play (a musical) won a Pulitzer prize so I'm looking forward to reading it.  Has anyone out there seen it?  I seriously doubt that it makes its way to the Fox in St. Louis, no matter how fabulous it is.

Back to fall.  It's such a dynamic season with awesome beauty -- but, the sad thing is, it happens right before everything dies for the winter.  Of course, without a death there cannot be a resurrection into something even more beautiful. I always get a little restless in the fall.  Now, I'm in the fall of my life metaphorically speaking.

                                   I got my hair cut and no longer look like a Neanderthal.

Nihilism: Does it exist?

                                                                     Me looking haggard

Nihilism is an interesting word.  I'm not going to define it for you because I think you need to look it up for yourself and learn something.  Nihilism, as used in psychiatry, is especially interesting if you believe that sort of thing.

I love certain words.  And I notice that some authors love certain words too.  Stephen King likes the word soughing.  That word to me is not very interesting.  It doesn't even sound interesting.  Do you know its meaning?  Look it up too, and find ways to use it in your vocabulary.

I'm tired tonight so this may not make a lot of sense.  I have had night classes for the last two days, and though I do like my classes, especially the one today, it does tire me out to teach them.  I was very pleased with the evaluation I got from my director.  It was almost overwhelming.  It's nice to be told you're doing a good job -- especially in an official evaluation.  Because she took the time to give me a nice pat on the back, I won't hesitate to work hard for her in this position.  Sometimes, if no one seems to notice the work you're doing -- as if you don't even exist really (clue to nihilism) -- you get to the point you really don't want to work your butt off.

Why can't bosses understand that simple concept?  Show your appreciation for your workers, and they'll work that much harder.  When you start taking them for granted, they start slacking.

I'm going to post the link to Lancelot again in case you've lost it.  Please order soon if you intend to.  Success breeds success, and if I know people are buying what I've written and enjoying it, I am encouraged to keep at it.
http://www.buckscountypublishing.com/portal/BookStore/LancelotandtheTidesofTime.aspx

When are you too old to cling to childish dreams?

http://www.buckscountypublishing.com/portal/BookStore/LancelotandtheTidesofTime.aspx
I don't think my book sales are going that great so far.  Sigh.  If there are some of you out there who have read it, I would appreciate it if you go on Amazon or Barnes and do a brief review of it.  I understand that works pretty well.  If you have read the book and you did not like it, drop me a message and tell me why you didn't.

I have had this dream of writing the great young adult novel, getting myself an agent and a steady publisher, and embarking on a full-time writing career.  I have yet to achieve that goal.  As I get older, I wonder if I should just let this dream go by the wayside, concentrate on the few things that I do seem to sell pretty easily, and content myself with my teaching until I can retire and then do something else.  I had some luck playwriting, but I haven't really had a good idea for one for quite a while.  Does creativity dry up when you get older?  I would like to do screenplays, and if a screenwriter gets optioned, that can be an open door to a great career, but I think selling screenplays is even more of a longshot.

I'm not down or depressed -- that's not why I'm thinking along these lines. I'm just wondering if it's time to get a bit more realistic.

Well, I have a few days to think about it before I am even going to have any time to write again.  I have school work to do.  I'll write again soon.

Does this catch your attention?

I wonder what Dr. Schitz would say if I told him that I gave my lithium and prozac to one of the residents who goes to the public school so he could sell it for me.  The Hollis kids who are lucky enough to go to public school find a ready market for crazy pills.  They are only too happy to make the sell for us Hollis kids who don't go to public school and split the profits. I look at Dee who smiles at me as if she can read my mind.


"Who is Dee?" Dr. Schitz asks -- I guess I should tell you that his real name is actually Schlitz -- yeah, like the beer.


I almost lose my temper until I remember that he doesn't see Dee.

So, did it get your attention?  I have rewritten the beginning pages of Shadowland Diaries a dozen times, and I think I have maybe stumbled onto the approach I want to take.  If I can finish this novel, I believe it will be my Harry Potter, my breakthrough novel.  Of course, I'm just as delusional as the main character in Shadowlands Diary.  I have struggled with this novel mightily, and I am bound and determined to make it a good one.

In other news ... hmmm ... I have no other news.  How sad is that!

How about a crossbyte.
"You will never know the light until you pull your head out of your ..."
No, that doesn't work.  Not my style.
"Some people don't know that the real world is not the one they see in the mirror."
That's better.

Now, for a bit of commentary.  Some people don't realize that the world does not center around them.  I include myself in that category often.  We're all small cogs in a massive machine built by God, in my opinion, and though we are very important -- precious even -- we are no more important or precious than anyone else.  It's hard to see others for what they truly are if you are too busy looking just at yourself.

New Record Again. Thanks to all. Praise for North County students and teachers.

Yesterday, I broke 40 page views.  I'm shooting for 50. I'd also like to get over 1,000 total in before Thanksgiving.  Why do I want this you might ask.  I think it's because I have very poor self esteem and I need to be constantly reminded that people actually like me and think I have something worthwhile to say.  One can delude oneself that way, and I want my life to be one long delusion.

Actually, I started this blog because I wanted to improve sales for my writing.  I won't know how successful my sales have been until the end of September.  Honestly, though, improved sales for my book also help the independent publisher who is publishing it.  Bucks County Publishing has treated me very well, and it is trying very hard to be successful in a world where huge conglomerates rule the book selling industry.  So, when you are buying my book, you are also helping small business in America.  I'm not just saying that to guilt you into buying Lancelot, but if that happens, I won't complain.  What I'm saying is true.  There are probably around seven major book publishing conglomerates out there who do almost all the book publishing in this country.  Support your independent publishers.  Buy Lancelot and the Tides of Time.  You can find it here:
http://www.buckscountypublishing.com/portal/BookStore/LancelotandtheTidesofTime.aspx

While I'm on here, I would like to praise my North County students who are in my composition class this year.  I have been very pleased with the way they are writing.  We were discussing MAP test scores the other day in an English meeting.  Last year, we did not take the writing portion of the test and our scores were lower.  We, unlike some schools, do not cheat when taking the test.  One of the teachers said that she had always stressed writing but that maybe that wasn't such a good idea since we weren't doing the writing portion of the MAP test.  I pleaded with her.  Please don't do that.  Our kids are writing so well in my comp class.  Don't let some stupid, state shoved down our throat test ruin their education.  My colleagues are doing a great job.  The only problems my students are having are minor grammar errors.  Their writing is thoughtful, sincere, creative, and well worth reading. Expressing themselves clearly is so much more important than choosing the right answer on a multiple choice test.

So, in my personal opinion, I think state mandated tests are ruining education, not helping it.

Keep going, Raiders.  I'm proud to be part of you.

Fall and the restlessness that ensues

Has fall arrived in Missouri?  It's certainly paying us a lengthy visit if it hasn't moved in yet.  The rain, then the colder temperatures.  I'd say that's a sign.  Does anyone except for me have lots of feelings of restlessness in the fall?  I think I know why I have mine.  Fall is a precursor of winter.  Winter is a symbol for death.  I think fall reminds me that I am getting older.  I mean, anyone of us could go at any time.  We have today and that is it.  Tomorrow may never come.  We should never forget that.

I am writing very briefly today because I have to grade papers and then I am going to play trivia tonight. I haven't played in a while, and I think we're getting a pretty good team together.  It's also a big contest, and I'm looking forward to winning it.  I think we can if we get the players I think we're getting.

Church is tomorrow.  I'm a Christian; I'm not afraid to admit that.  I am ashamed of some of the ways that supposed Christians act in this world.  They give all of us a bad name.  I'll save that rant for another time.  I believe that most people who are Christian would think of me as a heretic because I don't believe all of the traditional Christian beliefs.

That's all from me for now.  I'll write some other time.

Sorry I ranted yesterday -- had to get it out of my system.

Okay, I apologize for my rant yesterday.  My page views back slid from 31 to 26.  I guess people listen to enough griping without hearing more from me.

I'll keep this light and airy.  Hmmm.  I don't know what to say.  Maybe I'm just in a bad mood, and I can't think of anything light and airy to say.  Perhaps, I am just tired and my brain isn't functioning quite as well as it should.  Perhaps I'm just trying to pump a well that has run dry.  Perhaps the mine(d) has played out and there are no more golden nuggets of wisdom to be found.  Perhaps ... Perhaps not.

The Cardinals are hanging tough against Philadelphia tonight.  I hope they beat the Phils at least three games.  Well, I think they'll have to win at least three of the four if they want to stay in contention.  There's what ... 14 games left.  I was surprised that the Cardinals resigned Carpenter for two years.  I'm glad.  I'd like to see him end his career in St. Louis.  I'd like to see Pujols end his career in St. Louis.  The thing is, even if they keep all of their players from this year, they apparently aren't good enough to win their division.  So do we pay 120 million dollars on an underachieving team for another year?  Cards just hit into a double play.  Sigh.

That's a sign for me to conclude and try to do something useful.  I'll be back tomorrow.  Maybe.

New Record; Rant

I had 31 page views for my blog yesterday.  That was a new record for me.  I know it isn't much in actuality, but for me it was exciting.  My next goal is 40 in one day.

I want to start with a rant.  Bullying.  I was walking down the hallway today at school. A big kid hip checked a smaller kid into the locker not once, not twice, but at least three times while I was watching.  I admit; they could have just been horsing around, but something inside of me snapped.  I yelled -- loudly enough in a crowded hallway -- to get this kid's attention and told him to knock it off.  He told me that this other kid had pushed him.  I said, "I don't care who started it.  I want it stopped."  The one I saw doing the hip check was at least two feet taller than the other kid.  I thought to myself.  You could snap that kid in half and you're talking about him pushing you.  Honestly, I did not see the smaller kid push the other one, but I know that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

I get so mad when I see such harassment.  I was bullied when I was growing up.  It wasn't physical so much, but it was a lot of verbal abuse.  I know I was a geek, but what the hell, I just wanted to be left alone and people wouldn't cease their tormenting of me.  That's not the only reason I despise bullying; I have seen what it can do.  I know a 13 year old -- my best friend when I was in junior high -- who killed himself, partly because he was being bullied.  There were other problems with him, but bullying was a huge contributing factor.

 I have also been on the other side.  I have basically been in one fight in my life, and that was because I was bullying a kid.  He was the kid that everyone picked on, one or two people lower than I in the pecking order in sixth grade.  Everyone picked on him.  One day on the playground, I pushed him, not because I had a reason, but because I wanted to.  This particular day, this boy took a swing at me.  He never took a swing at anybody.  I had been the person that pushed him over the edge.

 Of course, I fought back, and I beat the snot out of him.  I can remember that even as the kids were clapping me on the back and telling me how tough I was, I felt lower than dog turds. To make matters worse, I wasn't punished because "boys just fight sometimes" and the boy I beat up had a complete breakdown and started wailing about how everyone always picked on him.  I have felt guilty about that fight ever since it happened.

Why won't people take a stand against bullying?  Please, it's not enough to not be a bully, you have to be willing to stand up and stop the other bullies.

End of Rant.

The only other news worthy enough for me to mention is that in April it looks as if I am going to get an all expense paid trip to Iowa City to help prepare the PLAN and Explore test for the ACT people.  In Iowa City is their national headquarters.  I have been writing for them for a long time, but I have never gotten to do this.  I'm excited even though it is months away.

I find out tomorrow if I have to go to St. Louis for jury duty.  I was selected as a possible juror in the District Court.  Honestly, I don't want to do this.  I won't shirk my responsibility if I am asked to do it, but I really don't want to.  Maybe I could read up on all the news I can find about possible court cases and then say that I'm not unbiased.  Really, I wouldn't do that.  The experience might be interesting, but it isn't a good time.  I guess I would have to admit to myself that it is never a good time.

Well, I'm out of here.
By the way, have I told you that you can get copies of Lancelot and the Tides of Time at this link.  :-)
http://www.buckscountypublishing.com/portal/BookStore/LancelotandtheTidesofTime.aspx

One of my favorite "Me as writer picture"

Short but Sweet

I feel like I need to write though this will be a short one because I am in the middle of something.  I am having -- thus far, cross my fingers and knock on wood -- a good school year.  I am halfway keeping up with grading, and I have even managed to write a little.  Not enough though because I have recently received some new inspiration and a second wind.  It always happens that way.  When I feel inspired and ready to write, I have gotten too busy.  Perhaps, it's just some kind of semi-destructive, self-fulfilling prophecy.  I am afraid to fail with my writing so I don't get inspired until I get to a point where I'm too busy to write.  Perhaps, it's a self protecting wall so that I don't have to bear the sorrow of failure.  Just a thought.  I know there are people who are always finding ways to self destruct.  Perhaps, I'm unintentionally self destructing my writing career because I'm afraid I'm going to fail anyway.  I can always use the excuse, "I've been too busy to write."  I wonder if anyone else ever does this.

Started writing something that I hope will make me a million dollars

I went back to my old school writing process, pencil (most definitely with eraser) and paper in hand and scratching out the first few tentative pages of the new Shadowlands Diary.  I don't know if I am going to do this again if it doesn't work out this time.  I like the possibilities of this new approach, the fourth or fifth new approach total for this book.  Young adult novels are hard to write though some people have the mistaken assumption that they are easy.  Ask yourself.  How can it possibly be easy to keep a 16 year old interested in a book when there are so many other things to get involved in?  It isn't.  Of course, I hope that I have some crossover success with adults, but I'm not sure that I will.  It's not going to be easy because the whole subject is difficult to write about.

Anyway, I hammered out a couple of pages.

Tonight, I have been grading papers.  My night class has handed in the first essay, kind of a diagnostic tool.  I'm convinced, sad to say, that we need to back up and teach more grammar.  I think ideas and voice are stronger than I have seen in a while, but grammar is worse.  It used to be just the opposite when I started teaching.  Why do we have to stress one over the other at all anyway?  Writing is a scale that is delicately balanced by content and form.  Both have to be present to be superb.  That's just my own opinion.

If some of you out there need some grammar review on your own, there's a website I would suggest for you.
http://www.chompchomp.com/menu.htm

It's very user friendly and quite helpful.  Try it out.

Don't forget; find Lancelot at
http://www.buckscountypublishing.com/portal/BookStore/LancelotandtheTidesofTime.aspx


Here's the grammar bytes logo.  I hope they don't mind if I give them some free advertising.

Trying to write something that will make me millions of dollars.

Last night, Lifetime Movie Network -- not a network I watch regularly, by the way -- had a movie that was at least loosely based on J.K. Rowling and her success with Harry Potter, and her struggles not only to get her book published but also just to survive. I don't know how accurate it actually was, but I guess that doesn't matter as much as the fact that I found it to be very inspiring.  I get all wistful when I watch movies about authors.  My novel Shadowland Diaries has been revised and rewritten so many times that it has grown so complicated that it is almost impossible to follow.  So ... big sigh ... it's back to the drawing board at least once more.  We'll see if this time will prove to be more fruitful than the others.  I'm not going to try to play with my readers' minds.  They will know right from the start that my character is insane and that he hallucinates.  I will give what he sees and hears an explanation -- sort of.  But I don't want my readers to throw my book down in disgust and say, "I don't get it, and I don't have time or energy to try to figure it out."  I will try writing in longhand because that seems to get me closer to my characters and to the heart of my story than trying to word process it on the computer.

Not much else happening in my life at the moment.  I'm sort of taking the day off because I spent several hours grading papers over the weekend and today.  I am not, by any stretch of the imagination caught up, but I need to take a breather.

I'm watching the ball game.  I can't believe the Cardinals are still in the race.  I shan't get my hopes up because I don't want them to be utterly crushed.

Mixed emotions

What do you get when you mix in a bunch of angst, a dash of ennui, and several shots of wistfulness?  I'm not sure what you would call it, but it describes me at the moment.  I think there are several reasons for this.  One is that tomorrow is the September 11, 10th anniversary.  I am watching the Cardinal baseball game.  I know they whine and complain and they have little chance of going into post season, but they are my team.  I will continue to support them ... sigh, I guess.

At any rate, I caught a reference to Jack Buck's poem "For America" that he read at Busch Stadium after the attacks.  I looked it up and watched the video of it.  Jack Buck was a great broadcaster, but he was much more than that.  He was generous and kind.  Even though he was shaking with the disease that would soon kill him, his voice was strong, and like it had for so many years, it reverberated through the hearts and minds of Cardinals fans everywhere, and on that day, it reverberated through the hearts and minds of Americans all over this country.

It amazes me that ten years later I can look at the video from that day, and when I see those attacks, it all comes back just as strong as it did on that day.  Those who remember Kennedy's assassination feel the same way. I understand that feeling now.

I spent several hours grading papers and will spend some more time later and tomorrow.  I'm trying to get a set of essays finished before Monday.  I think I can ... I think I can.

Until later ...

Weekly wrap

I've been on this computer since I got home at 6:30.  I've frittered away two hours.  Like the Pink Floyd song, frittered away the hours in the day in an offhand way, or something to that effect.  By the way, do you know which one's Pink?  Is there a better way to bring an entire class of people to the height of nonproductivity than to give them busy work that doesn't mean anything?  Destroy the brain with nothing and all day to keep busy doing it.  Two hours.  I can't believe it.

Today at school, we watched two documentaries on 9-11.  One was an interview with George Bush about what he went through that day.  I have to admit, that even though I don't care for him, President Bush remained cool, calm, collected and strong in the face of adversity.  I didn't know that he gave orders to the military to shoot down any commercial airliner that did not follow directions to land.  In the interview, the president was close to tears when he talked about how he at first thought that his orders were responsible for the destruction of Flight 93.

The other documentary was one that a local man Randy Barnhouse put together.  He interviewed several of us teachers in front of the green screen that newscasters use and then he edited what we said and put footage of the tragedy in the background as we talked about what we remembered that day.  It was a tremendous job.  If anyone needs a videographer in the southeast Missouri area, look up Mr. Barnhouse.  He's going to be getting into wedding videos and other things like that.

Watching these two show nearly brought me to tears.  All the things I felt that day came back.

No, world, we will never forget.

Good night all.

Winding Down

I taught my night class tonight. Combine that with the night class I taught yesterday, my full time job, and the sinus infection I am still battling, and you get a bad cause of exhaustion.  I am SO tired.  One of the ways I unwind is by writing.  Since I know it would be pretty useless to try doing anything creative, I am blogging.  I'm not trying to get paid for this so it doesn't have to be brilliant.  I am only hoping that people will actually read this and maybe buy some of the stuff I have out there for sale.  I don't know if anyone has any kind of interest in this but you can also order single copies of the plays I have written through www.brookpub.com  I've not written any plays for a while, and I'm not sure why.  I've had some good luck with them.  They aren't high paying markets generally, so I focus on other things.

The anniversary of the trade center attacks is coming up.  Do you remember where you were when you heard about it?  I will not ever forget it. I am not a fan of former President Bush, but I think he exhibited some leadership when it happened.  I'll have to give him some credit for that.  The other remember where you were moment I have is the day that the space shuttle exploded. (the first time.)

I need to do some necessary, non creative work -- ugh -- grading papers for a while.
If you have any interested you can order my most popular play at the following link.
https://www.brookpub.com/default.aspx?pg=sd&st=HAUNTED+HAMLET&p=76
It's called Haunted Hamlet.

Get Lancelot here:
http://www.buckscountypublishing.com/portal/BookStore/LancelotandtheTidesofTime.aspx

Here is a picture from a high school's production of Haunted Hamlet.

Writing is such a pain -- if it isn't, you're not doing it correctly

I am having some serious struggles with this YA novel that I am working on.  Many factors are contributing to this.  One is the return to school, and the fact that I no longer have a life.  That is not much of an exaggeration.  I'm teaching two night classes as well as my full time teaching job.  It's rough.  Perhaps I should see it as an opportunity to separate myself from my work for just a while and come back to it with a new perspective.

The problem is that the plot is very complicated, almost to the point of being indecipherable.  I won't go into all the details, but it's written from the viewpoint of an unreliable narrator, one who suffers from a mental illness and has hallucinations.  I don't know how to make the illusory world real, even though it isn't, without totally baffling my readers.

This is the novel I'm doing as a project for my writing class.  My instructor keeps telling me that I have talent as a writer, but that she just can't follow my storyline.  I wonder if I'm trying to be too tricky.  I have to ponder it.

I have a sinus infection that is really getting on my nerves.  It's making it hard for me to teach too because my throat is sore and scratchy from drainage.

Excerpt: Lancelot saves the Lady's son

http://www.buckscountypublishing.com/portal/BookStore/LancelotandtheTidesofTime.aspx


     “I’d kill them,” Lancelot with all the arrogance that
comes to children who think they are invincible said.
     “Black dogs can’t be killed except by magic.”
Even then, he had laughed at the idea of magic,
laughed at the idea that danger lurked in forests. He had
laughed at the thought of death until he faced it and lost his
world.
     He sprang from the cover of the trees and positioned
himself between Mabuz and the dogs. They whined in
excitement at the prospects of a two-course meal instead of
a single entrée and advanced.
     “Can you climb trees?” Lancelot asked as the three
dogs inched closer.
     “Of course I can.”
     “Then do it now.”
     “That’s being a coward.”
     “Would you rather be dog food?”
     This silenced Mabuz. As the dogs got within five
feet of Lancelot, he began to shimmy up the tree. He
climbed like a snake, Lancelot thought, just sort of slithered
up the bark onto the lower limbs several feet above the
ground.
     The first dog leaped and Lancelot hacked at it while
it was still in the air. The beast yelped in pain and fell to the
side. He twitched on the ground as blood seeped from his
side.
     The two other hounds stopped. Seeing their fellow
dog twitching in pain on the ground had not entered their
plans. The pause was brief as they adjusted their strategy.
     Instead of approaching Lancelot head on, they split up, each
circling on opposite sides of Lancelot. Attack on two fronts.
     Lancelot had seen the strategy before.
     He watched as the black dogs moved toward him.
He had the weird sensation he was watching mirrored
images as the dogs moved exactly in step with each other.
They had hunted together before. With that realization,
Lancelot seized on a desperate plan. He backed closer to the
tree sheltering Mabuz so that he could watch the dogs a little
longer. Their actions confirmed his original idea. They
moved with the same exact measured steps.
     Trusting his instinct, Lancelot turned his back on one
and faced the other. The dog tensed and then leapt.
Lancelot dropped to the ground and the dog sailed over him
and collided with the other who had leapt at exactly the
same time. They bounced off each other and hit the ground.
Lancelot acted quickly and drove his sword into the nearer
one. It yelped and then fell silent.
     Lancelot got lucky because the remaining dog did
not attack immediately but instead, backed away from
Lancelot as if to reassess the situation. If it had attached,
Lancelot would have been driven to the ground and his
throat ripped out. Instead, he recovered quickly, pulled the
sword out of the black dog and the ground, and faced the
lone survivor.
     The dog snarled and licked its muzzle. It stared at
Lancelot as if to decide whether this meal was worth the
trouble.
     “Kill it!” Mabuz screamed.
     When the dog heard his voice, it bolted. Deciding to
seek some easier prey, it disappeared into the forest.
     Mabuz shimmied to the ground. “Why didn’t you
kill it?”
     Lancelot felt weary. “You don’t kill anything unless
you have to.”
     He expected the boy to call him a coward, but he fell
silent and just looked at Lancelot.
     “Take me home, please,” Mabuz said. Lancelot tore
up some moss and wiped his sword clean. The moss sizzled
and burned where the dog’s blood touched it.
     “I want my mom,” Mabuz said.
     He took Lancelot’s hand. It was the nearest thing to
a thank you Lancelot would get. He smiled and led the boy
away.

Memory. Sand.

Memories swirl like sand
through the hourglass of years
and spill into the cold ground
where they are not retrieved.

I used to write poetry.  Depressing stuff just like the stanza above.  I always found myself fascinated by the beautiful but transitory nature of life.

At 53, I'm no less fascinated by the passage of time, and the ever-decreasing future that I have.  53 years of memory stored in my head.  When it's gone, no one will have the same memories as I did.  There might be some that we have shared through the years, but even these are colored by the other person's own consciousness.  We focus on experience through the lens of our own cameras, and we all have different cameras.

Sorry.  Occasionally, I get a bit philosophical.

A glass darkly

There's a scripture in the Bible about how we now see through a glass darkly but that one day we will see clearly.  When I experience things I do not understand, I remember this scripture.  I look forward to the day when I can walk up to the big guy and say,  "Okay, you have some explaining to do."  More often than not things do no make sense.  The world seems to be perpetually cloaked in subterfuge and facades.

Do we see ourselves when we look in the mirror or do we see what we think everyone wants us to be.  How many people try to be 100% themselves all of the time?  I'm guessing it doesn't happen.  How many people look in the mirror every now and then and ask, "Is this who I am?  Is this who I want to be?  Or am I some conglomerations of bits and pieces that others have stuck to me and I've left alone?"

I guess we can't be 100% ourselves at all time because there are roles we have to fill in the world.

 http://www.buckscountypublishing.com/portal/BookStore/LancelotandtheTidesofTime.aspx

Piece of joy

When joy comes to visit us, it sometimes does not stay long.  It is those moments of joy, however, that allow us to endure the sorrows.  It's sad to me when people get so busy with their lives, they don't stop to acknowledge the little joys that come their way.

Recently, a former student of mine died.  He was in a car wreck and spent a couple weeks in the hospital before he passed on.  Chris fought a brave fight, but in the end, he wasn't strong enough.  I have trouble dealing with tragedy when it strikes one so young.  It happens too often, and I don't understand it.  Chris was very smart even though English wasn't his favorite subject.  I think he was more of a math and science guy.  His sense of humor was great, and he frequently showed it in his writing.  There were times when I should have gotten really mad at him but I was too busy laughing at him to do it. He will be sorely missed, and I am doing a lot of praying for his family and friends, even as I try to sort things out in my own mind.

North County is doing something that I think is going to be moving to honor the memory of the victims of September 11 as we come up to the tenth anniversary of that infamous day.  Randy Barnhouse, the father of one of my students, talked to some of us teachers about what we remembered about that day.  He filmed us in front of the green screen so that he can put images and video clips in the background as we talk.  He's also going to add music to it and come up with a documentary that we are going to show to our students.  I can't wait to see the finished product.  I'll never forget that moment.  Though I have spent most of my life teaching at North County High School, I was teaching at Arcadia Valley High School when I witness two tragedies that have been my John F. Kennedy -- where were you when -- moments.  9-11 was one.  The other was the explosion of the space shuttle.

Be appreciative of joy when it stops to visit because you never know how long it will stay and what will come next when it leaves.

http://www.buckscountypublishing.com/portal/BookStore/LancelotandtheTidesofTime.aspx
To order Lancelot

Never forget.

Random thoughts that are kind of out there

http://www.buckscountypublishing.com/portal/BookStore/LancelotandtheTidesofTime.aspx

In case you missed it, you can click on the above link and find some options for ordering Lancelot and the Tides of Time.  Just in case you missed it.

Explain to me why the Cardinals were able to sweep the Brewers three games in Milwaukee.  Where was this team a month or two ago?
The Rams are -- as I write this -- winning the football game 14-10.  I predict a 9-7 record this year and a first round loss in the playoffs.

Someone swerved into my lane on 67 today.  I did the whole jerking the wheel to get out of the way and over correcting thing.  Was within a foot of crashing into the wired dividers.  Then it occurred to me.  Be calm.  Quit jerking the wheel.  Let up off the gas.  Steer back on the highway.  I didn't wreck but I came close.  I don't know why this person swerved into my lane completely out of the blue. He/she wasn't passing anyone or making a turn.  Maybe distracted.  Scared me.  I had one wreck where I over steered myself off the road and into a tree.  A dog jumped out in front of me once and I swerved to miss it.

Three day weekend.  I need the rest.  Night class today and yesterday.  They're good classes really and don't give me any trouble, but I'd rather be home than teaching.  One day maybe.

I wish I had some wise words, but I am too tired.  Maybe the wise thing to do tonight is keep my mouth shut.

I can give you another grammar pet peeve.  Using was with the pronouns they and you.  They was late because they had car trouble.  That is annoying.