Anxiety Attacks: Unless you've had one, you have no idea.

 I have heard people say to people who have anxiety attacks such things as: just get over it, it can't be that bad, just relax, don't make such a big deal about it. I know because I used to say the same thing. Then I had several. I am lucky because mine were caused by a medication I was taking, and once I stopped taking the medication, mine got better. I still have anxiety occasionally, and I worry -- it gets bad, but as bad as it is, it is nothing like an anxiety attack. I have to qualify this by saying that what I am about to describe are the anxiety attacks I had. I don't know if they are all the same, but I. believe people who suffer from them share at least some of these characteristics.

Anxiety attacks are horrible, worse than horrible, but that's the only word I can think of right now to describe it.  Every negative emotion floods into your mind all at once, and for me, the biggest was an absolute terror of death, Your mind is so full of bad things that could happen, but it's worse than worry. It isn't just a fear of bad things; it's terror. It's a constant swirling of worst-case scenarios, a constant questioning of everything and everyone. It makes it hard to breathe and your heart thunders in your chest,  And you can forget sleeping.

It's like all those negative emotions assail you at the same time and constantly throw rocks at you, injuring you all over. But you can't get away from them until the attack mercifully ends. Imagine your worst moments, and imagine feeling them over and over again. This is what an anxiety attack is like. We all have bad bad experiences, but with anxiety attacks, the bad experiences occur over and over again ... even if people think it's exaggerated or it's a personal weakness. I've had cancer, and even though I am in remission, I fear it will come back. Even when a person with anxiety attacks feels better, he or she knows that they will come back. It's not just a fear; it's a certainty.

And sometimes that fear is like an invitation. It opens the door for another attack. An anxiety attack can strike at any time, but when it does, it strikes hard and makes everyday functioning almost impossible, but it gets especially acute when your guard is down, when your mind is not busy with everyday activities and duties.  The really bad thing is that the attack and surviving it are all you can think about, and that focus makes it spiral out of control even worse.  Sometimes, I think the only thing that can give you relief is that you reach a point of mental and emotional exhaustion. 

The most terrible thing is that an anxiety attack can strike you at any time or any place, and often there is no rhyme or reason to you. It's like it is the world's worst bully, hitting you whenever it wants to, and you can't do a thing about it.  Not only does it hit you when it wants to, but it will also hit you over and over again.

No one, I mean no one can understand an anxiety attack unless they have had one. I'm bipolar 2, which is mostly characterized by depression, but no depressive episode hit me as hard as the anxiety attacks I had. I'm fortunate because I don't have many anymore, but I will never forget the ones I had no matter how much I would like to.