This was one of those fogged in, not quite there days for me. Sometimes my bipolar disorder falls toward the depressed pole, and today was one of those days. It’s important for people to realize that NOTHING happened to me to cause this. Nothing went wrong. Nothing irritated me. I had no trouble with my students. My wife and I are still talking. I just woke up depressed. Do you understand that I just woke up that way. Don’t tell me to pull myself up by my own bootstraps when I was needlessly depressed from almost the moment I got out of bed. When I get depressed, I get sullen, and I eat. When I eat a lot, I feel guilty and that just makes me even more depressed. I also have trouble focusing on things. My mind whirls in a hundred different directions, and I try to think, plan, and ponder, and it does no good. On days like this, I mainly try to survive the day without doing any damage and to do my job the best way I possibly can. Today, I was a bit lucky because many of my classes are doing independent work on some big projects, so most of my job consisted of working one on one with students and answering individual questions. That I can handle on days like this.
The one good thing that did happen today is that the local newspaper interviewed me about my book. I did not let my depression show. It’s amazing sometimes how troubled people can learn to hide their feelings. Many of us get tired of folks not acknowledging them as medical issues. Sometimes, when I get down, I get a little philosophical and I am able to think deep thoughts. Maybe some of my deep thoughts came through in the interview and I won’t sound like an idiot.
Vent is officially over. Hope you enjoyed.
