Taking Chances

Link to buy, Deliver Us from Evil

I'm not one to take a lot of chances. I'm usually pretty happy to stay in my normal routine, even more so now that I am retired.  I don't like to put myself "out there" very much, but my writing is one way I do this. So I'm putting myself out there again in a way that a lot of people won't expect from me.

I am a spiritual person who believes in God, in the principalities and spirits of heaven and earth. I think that sometimes these principalities are evil and they do their best to influence people. I don't know if I'd call it demon possession because I think a lot of what used to be considered demon possession was mental illness. Still, I believe that there are some people, some places, that have an evil presence in control of them.

I wanted to write a book about faith. I didn't want it to be a Bible thumping hell fire and damnation story, a sermon disguised as some kind of preachy fiction. I did want it to express the power of faith. There are, I believe, battles that we cannot win by ourselves, and only our faith -- in God, in friends, in family -- enable us to win them.

Deliver Us from Evil is a young adult, Christian, horror novel that describes a war that my character Bryan Stewart is fighting between good and evil.  That war is symbolized by two characters in my story and two ways of life. I know Christian horror sounds like an oxymoron, but anyone who has ever battled temptation knows what I mean.

This is where I get a little strange, and no one will really be able to understand unless they have been where I am. As a lot of people know, I am bipolar.  Throughout most of my life, I felt like I was constantly battling between the bad part of me and the good part of me. My mood ran to opposite extremes. I'd do stupid things that could have harmed me or someone else. I often felt like there was a spiritual battle going on inside of me.  I remember when I was a teenager, one of my favorite songs was The Halls of Karma, by Black Oak Arkansas. I felt as if the song depicted my situation perfectly. Look up the lyrics sometimes to see see what I mean.

I am not going to give you all the details of a saving experience that I had because it wasn't one experience but a series of events, and the battle still rages on. What I have given you is my novel. It's not one of the best things I have ever written, but it is sincere. You will be able to get it as a Kindle book or, in a few days, a paper back.

Before I published it, I asked a lot of people if they would be interested in seeing it happen, and they told me they would. Well, it has happened. I don't know if I will write anything else like this. I don't know if God would approve, but I am doing this one book to see how it turns out. Lately, I have thought a lot about my writing and where it is and where it should be in my life. I read a book by Linda Seger, a wonderful Christian lady and a great writer, which has made me slow down and re-examine my work.

As always, I appreciate your support. I would very much love to hear your opinions on the book if you read it. In the meantime, if you have any questions, let me know.

A little crazy, but it's kept me from going insane

For those of you who were fans of Fall of Knight, I have a request. I'm going to rewrite the books. I'm changing to a rotating viewpoint and making some other changes that I think will really make the book interesting to a new publisher.  This is only the first page, but it gives you an idea of some of the changes you might see. I also plan to do the next book with a revolving point of view like you see in so many YA books.

Fall of Knight

Dean Knight Chapter 1

“All of us are crazy; some of us are just medicated.”

#Knytebytes

Or in my case, shocked. I cut a lot because I can control it, and it clears my head. This last time I cut a little too far. I just kind of lost myself, watching it until the blood kept coming faster … and faster…

I nearly died. Now this. Imagine the scene.

            Dean Knight, 17 hospital gown letting in enough air to freeze his … as two doctors wheel him down an aisle toward the shock shop.

            Electrodes are attached to his head.

            It’s called Electro Convulsive Therapy, a kind of a last-ditch attempt to help crazy people like Dean. Sometimes it helps when nothing else does. Sometimes it doesn’t.

            White coat one says, “You’ll be sedated. You won’t feel a thing.”

            Dean says, “So let me get this straight. You’ll be giving me a convulsion – on purpose – that will help me to get over the depression. You mind telling me what else electrical jolts going through your head does?”

            White coat two says, “Side effects differ. The most common ones are confusion, a loss of memory.”

            Dean says, “That might not be such a bad thing.”

            White coat one says, “It’s almost always temporary.”

            They wheel Dean into a room whose coldness only adds more discomfort to Dean’s buttcheeks.

            “So how many times do I have to get this stuff done?” Dean asks though he’s almost too groggy too talk.

            “Three times a week for four weeks,” white coat one says.

            “Do you have any questions before we put you under?” white coat two asks.

            “Is it too late to change my mind?” Dean asks and giggles.

            The anesthesiologist says, “I want you to count to ten backwards.”

            Dean giggles, thinking this is pretty stupid. “10 … 9 … 8 …”

             A while later I wake up and don’t know where the heck I am, who the heck I am, nor do I remember anything that has happened to me. I also have a splitting headache and my jaw hurts. I’ve had blackouts from drinking before, but this is not like anything I have ever experienced in my life.

            My first ECT treatment. Dr. King, my psychiatrist tells me that it is probably my first step out of the hell my life has been. Dr. King is stupid.

Fear of Flying

Don't forgo the thrill of flying for worrying too much about the fear of falling. #crossbytes

I didn't fly until I was well past 50. To tell the truth, I was just a little bit afraid to. Then things changed. I flew to New York City, Las Vegas, and Puerto Rico. I love it. If I ever have to go anywhere of any distance, this old man is going to be flying. Now, I don't know if I would have flown any sooner in my lifetime had I known what I know now, but that's not really the point of this blog.

I know that there have been numerous times in my life and I'm guessing yours too, when I have not even tried to do something because I thought I would fail. I don't know where my life would be now if I had been a little more courageous and a little more assertive. Dead maybe.  Like I said, I don't know.  I do know that it's not too late.

I receive several email newsletters daily having to do with all kinds of writing.  Today, I just happened to receive one of the many screenwriting letters I get and in it there was a notice from a producer who was looking for a screenplay. I happen to have one I've written that fits the needs of this one almost perfectly. I hesitated because I've had no luck with screenplays-- although this one did finish in the top ten of the comedy category of one contest I entered it in. I decided that I had nothing to lose by sending a query. I might fall anyway, but I know I'm going to fall if I don't send it at all. So I'd appreciate it if some of my friends thought about my efforts and send me some prayers or good vibes or something.

Living in Missouri makes it hard to be a screenwriter, and I often wish I had some connections in Hollywood, but I don't. Still, I like writing screenplays and though I may never get off the ground with one, I am going to keep writing them.

Back to my crossbyte. You can't live your live fearing failure.  The only failure is a life not lived.  Even if something doesn't go the way you want it to, there is always a lesson to be learned that might make your next effort a success.

If any of you would like to read more of my crossbytes go to Twitter and do a search for #crossbytes or #crossbyte. There might just be one of them that is speaking to you. And if there is, let me know.  Someone told me that one of my crossbytes was exactly what she needed to hear. I told her that I was glad it spoke to her.  She said it spoke volumes.

Stay tuned. As soon as I can, I think I am going to lower the price of Walt Michaels to see if I can sell more.  I'm getting a better idea of what people are willing to pay for something like it.