Been a while

I have neglected my blog for a long time now.  Shame on me. For some unknown reason, ads started showing up in my blog postings -- not on the side or in the margins -- but as a post that supposedly I wrote.  I thought I had been hacked so I changed the email, but that did not seem to alleviate the problem, so I have turned off the Google ad sense stuff.  Has anyone else had this issue?  I thought it might have something to do with google plus also, but I don't know my way around these things well enough to judge.

I have spent more time on twitter and Facebook which is not healthy, but also, I felt as if I were boring my readers with my blog.  I wouldn't blame folks if they stopped reading it.  Obviously, if I don't keep it updated well people will stop reading it anyway.  So from time to time, I will drop in and let you know what is going on.

One bit of exciting news that I got today is that a community theater group in Amherst, New York, has actually signed on to do six performances of Haunted Hamlet.  I read that, and I thought, wow.  This is big people theater, and they're serving drinks and hors d'oeuvres   (which I can't spell) but which I looked up.  This is the first time that a theater group and not a high school or junior high has done one of my plays.

I'm trying to listen to an old country singer Marty Robbins as I type this but my computer keeps cutting out.  My laptop is going to die soon, and I have to have one for school and other things.  This is just one thing going wrong that I don't need to go wrong.  It keeps freezing on me.  I got rid of some programs and ran virus scans and all that, but it is still messing up and it really annoys me.

The last four days I have been battling a sinus infection.  I feel better today and will be able to go to work tomorrow.  We had two snow days, but I was really too sick to enjoy them.  That's the way my luck runs at times.  Now that I feel better it's time to go back to work.  I guess I'll get over it.

I am going to write a new play, I think.  I even have a premise for it and some interesting characters.  The characters and the type of play I wanted to do came to me first.  I truly like ensembles.  This play is primarily an ensemble cast.  It's also a comedy with a crusty old shop owner who sells coffe and cupcakes.  The title is not surprisingly Coffee and a Cupcake.

My revisions of Fall of Knight have been slow because I haven't felt good and I have been very busy with school work.  It is a shame that making a living has to replace following your dream.  I envy those people who get to do both at the same time.  It will never happen to me.  I always thought I could write full time when I retire, and I guess I can, but what are the chances of making a great breakthrough in writing when you're 60 or better.  Not much.  It's a young man's game.  and a young woman's.  I sometimes wish I had done things differently in my life, but regrets are not going to change anything.  They just make you forget how truly blessed you are even though you likely don't deserve it.  Are dreams a tool of the devil?  Just a rhetorical question.  But suppose some evil presence did fill our head with dreams so that we would never reach our real potential.  Maybe this evil entity has convinced the man that could cure cancer that he is an actor so the man never gets into medicine to cure cancer and he spends his time chasing dreams, restless and almost crazy because he can't get them.  That might make a good story one of these days.

I think we all believe we are capable of more than we can really do sometimes.  I know that I sometimes have delusions of grandeur.  I have just accepted the fact that I'm not as good at the things I wanted to be good at as I thought I would be.  That's an awkward sentence, but if you read it carefully, it makes sense.

Super Bowl Sunday

What's the big deal?  It really isn't a big deal for me.  I'm not going to any party.  I don't care specifically who wins, though I guess I am sort of rooting for the 49ers because they are in the Rams division, and I like the Ravens less.  I won't be eating wings or drinking beer.  I'll just be sitting here in the living room watching the game.  Not a very exciting life, I know.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm a little isolated from the mainstream.  I don't know why.  Maybe I'm just a little weird.  Maybe I just feel that way today for some reason. Sometimes I get a little wistful.  Also, I think I am feeling a little let-down since finishing the rough draft.  I read it all and outlined the scenes.  That's a good way to find the weaknesses in your manuscript, and I have found several weaknesses in the novel itself.  There's something to be said for outlining in advance, but to me, that destroys some of the fun.  I like to be free to go off in other directions.  The problem is I'm too lazy to go back and build the bridges to link some of those different directions together.

I am starting to think of what I would like to write next.  A few ideas have trickled into my brain.  I don't know if any of them are good or not.  I'm leaning towards doing a screenplay but my odds of selling a screenplay are next to nil, I'd say.  And I think, why do I waste my time writing them?  Am i trying to sell something or am i trying to write something I want to write. Everyone tells you that you should write what you want to write and take care of the publishing end of it later, but others say, write something that you feel as if you can publish somewhere.

Is there any use to even attempt writing something that will likely never see the light of day outside your own computer?  I have no clue.  Perhaps the fault is in my desires to publish when I should just fulfill my desires to write.  I think I have serious self esteem issues, so I am constantly trying to do some things -- things which might be beyone my ability to accomplish -- in order to prove myself.  When I don't get it done, my self esteem crashes.  That's the vicious cycle I live with my life.

It's just been a bad day.  I think I will sign off.  Don't read this if you are in a good mood.