Time for new beginnings.

There are always periods in a person's life when he or she looks forward to new beginnings.  I am looking forward to the upcoming year or two as a new beginning for me and mine. My wife and I are going to retire from education at the end of next school year, July, 2016 -- God willing and the creeks don't rise.  We have begun our downsizing already, having sold the house we have lived in for the last eleven years and found a smaller one to rent.  We don't want to be tied down to a mortgage anymore.

One of these days -- hopefully before I die -- my daughter and son-in-law are going to have children.  I want to be able to move near to them.  I want them to have wonderful memories of Grandpa and Grandma Cross, like I have of my Grandpa and Grandma Penberthy.  I also want to travel to the United Kingdom and see England, Ireland, Scotland, and Wales. I think I would also like to go to Italy. 

I feel the stirrings of fall in my body and my soul as I always do this time of year.  Usually, Fall gives me a feeling of restlessness, like an itch that can't be scratched.  I'm sure that with my bipolar disorder, I also have a touch of SAD.  I also think I'm ADD.  Some people think I'm a hypochondriac too.  Anyway, I got off the subject.  I don't feel as sad as I usually do this time of year.  I think it's because I am looking forward to some things.  Not just retirement.

Being able to write as much as I want to will be nice.  Having that time doesn't mean I will write more than I have before, but it does mean I will have the freedom to do so.  Or not.  I can teach part time or not.  I can get another job or not.  That freedom means a lot to me because I want to enjoy my declining years.  It's true that I can't do as much as I used to; I can't move as fast; and I have this bad knee that sometimes almost makes me cry out.  It will eventually have to be replaced.  I'm too fat, and I eat wrong, but I have a lot of life left in my years, and I hope a lot of years left in my life.  That, I'm afraid though, might be a crap shoot.  I had three uncles who died before 60.  I also had two grandparents who lived into their 90's, and my dad is a very healthy 82 1/2.

The house we're going to rent is not far from where we live now.  It's a very nice place in a quiet neighborhood.  It has an attached single-car garage and a detached double-car garage, which is just massive.  No more scraping snow off my car in the winter or getting it covered with tree sap in the fall. The name of the street is even nice.  Michael Lane.  My middle name is Michael. Do you think that might be an omen?  I am also amazed at the layout of the place which is very much like my mom and dad's old house where I spent my formative years, the place I really think of as home when I think of home. 

I wonder sometimes if my mom and dad didn't regret selling the old place. They received 30 times more than what they paid for it, and then developers just leveled it and put in a small mall.  It has only been recently that my heart doesn't lurch when I go by it.  That feeling is compounded by the fact that my mom is dead.  She died unexpectedly almost three years ago, the Saturday before Thanksgiving. My dad is remarried to a nice woman, and he appears to be happy.  I think she is too. 

I apologize for going all fuzzy on you, but there are times when I walk down Memory Lane.  There is much of my past I do not remember.  I don't know if I have blocked it out or if my years of taking medication for my bipolar II have simply blurred it.  It doesn't matter.  Much of my life has been forgettable anyway.

The one thing I am looking forward will happen this spring -- hence the title of the blog and the picture of the flowers pushing through the snow.  Spring might be a new beginning for me for two reasons that have me feeling very excited.  North County is going to perform a play I wrote about a topic I have always wanted to write about, but have been so close to, I have been unable to do so: bullying and suicide.  I'll leave my reason why for another day.  Around the same time, Booktrope is going to be releasing my new YA novel called Fall of Knight.  It too covers similar themed material.

I am hoping that there will be enough excitement and success from those two endeavors that my love for writing will be inflamed.  I am still wanting to write screenplays.  One of the things I have dreamed of doing in retirement is supplementing my pension with a number of writing sales.  I hope that dream comes true.

I must bid you all a fond adieu.  I have miles to go before I sleep.

An update of sorts

I can't help feeling a little stressed at the moment for several reasons, the biggest being that I am absolutely overwhelmed with tasks I must complete and underwhelmed with the time to complete them.  Alas, I do realize that I am not the only person in this world who experiences this issue.

I am getting a YA novel published through Booktrope. It is a different kind of program, and I am feeling my way through it at the moment.  Currently, I am trying to hook up with the right editor, book manager, and other team members.  I don't think serious work will begin on the actual editing and so forth for another month or so.  I look forward to working with some talented people and building some relationships.  I'm not sure how successful the venture will be, but I'm hoping it will work out for all involved.

In one way, it isn't such a bad thing that the hard work will not get underway in earnest for a month or two because we have sold our house and will probably be moving in about a month.  I think our moving date is going to be November 1.  We are downsizing because we hope to retire in a year and a half.  When we do retire, I hope that I have enough of my mind left to write full time, and yes, publish consistently.  My goal is still to break into screenwriting.

Just a few short items before I get into something more interesting.  The Cardinals are in the playoffs again.  They will meet the Dodgers in round one.  The winner of that match meets the winner of what looks like the Giants against the Washington nationals.  I think the Dodgers will go to the World Series this year.  In the Amercian league the Kansas City Royals -- no, I did not stutter -- will take on the Angels, and in the other playoff, it will be the Tigers versus the Orioles.  I think we will have an all California World Series with the Angels winning the American league.  However, it would be pretty cool to have an all Missouri World Series.

Finally something very exciting might happen in my writing career this spring.  I'll fill everyone in on the details as they become available.

I wrote a crossbyte which said essentially, that you should be the person who works so hard that you give out and not the person who is so cowardly you give in.

I tell my students that if a thing is not challenging it's not really worth doing. I know that's a bit of an exaggeration, but not by much.  We don't grow if we are not challenged, and we should not fear to meet challenges.  I have been less that courageous at times in my life, but when I have fully committed to something I do not give up.  And there are times probably when I should have.  Especially in relation to my writing.

I'll end with another bit of sports gossip.  There's a rumor that after the superbowl, there will be an announcement saying that the St. Louis Rams will be moving to Los Angeles.  It would not surprise me if this happened.  Kroenke is going to go where there's money since he is so poor and doesn't have much.

Why someone should take a chance on me as a screenwriter

I live in Arcadia, MO.  Although the show Resurrection is set in Arcadia, MO, there really aren't many Hollywood producers or agents here.  On a teacher's salary, it is also a little hard for me to just jump in a jet and fly to Hollywood, CA and walk the streets, so I am sending my pleas via the one method I am reasonably good at, social media.

I am a screenwriter.  I have not optioned any screenplays although I have won some accolades in a few contests: two honorable mentions in the Script category of the Writer's Digest annual competition, a top ten in the comedy category of the Exposurama contest, a fifth place with a short screenplay, and I have also published several plays.  I know, that probably doesn't impress you.

Just let me tell you that something clicked this summer, an epiphany if you will.  I thank David Trottier and his Screenwriter's Bible for that.  At any rate, something clicked and during the course of the summer, the last six weeks more like, I have written on brand new screenplay and revised another one.  I suddenly realized that I could do this if I could just find the right connections.

My two screenplays are thrilling.  I know I'm a little biased, but you really need to read them. Both are low-budget with a good chance at having a profitable return if they should ever be turned into movies.  Read them for yourself if you don't believe me.

Freak, the first of them, the one that is completely original, is designed for the type of audience who flocks to movies like TFIOS and Divergent.  The subject matter is teens in crisis although the issues in Freak go far beyond that. It deals with sexual identity, bullying, and school violence, and also family and love.  The character are dynamic, my personal favorite being the elderly grandma, who suffering from the early stages of dementia, tells it exactly as it is.  This screenplay begins with my main character failing in his attempts to kill himself and ends with a school shooting, but it's not exactly what you expect.

My other screenplay is Cut Off, a psychology thriller from page one to page 102 with twists and turns throughout.  It too is low-budget but not low-quality.  Roderick Foster is a screenwriter with major mental issues and a history of being abused by his mother.  He suffers through a messy divorce and tries to reestablish his career and destroy his wife, but he comes to learn what really is important.

My next project is a play based on Freak.  After that, I am going to revise a romantic comedy.  That's another reason why you -- whether you be an agent, producer, or management company -- should take a chance on me.  I know Hollywood is always looking for the next fresh writer.  Well, not all of them live in California.  I am prolific and a hard worker, and I think my work is fresh.  I live in Missouri.  Show me that you are willing to give someone like me a chance.

Reflections and first scene of screenplay

The Northern Part of Lake Tahoe

We just got back from a quick trip out west to see my nephew get married.  Matt and Amber had a beautiful wedding on the southern part of Lake Tahoe, so I actually got to see quite a bit of it.  It is so breathtaking in more ways than one.  The water is ice cold so that takes your breath away. I like mountains and huge lakes so having them both in one place awed even me.

I have always loved the water, and I used to be a good swimmer. I learned how to swim probably before I was five years old, and we spent a lot of time at Black River when I was a kid.  Nowadays, I love lakes especially.  There is something soul-stirring about large bodies of water.  I don't know; it makes me think of creations and new beginnings and at the same time stability and timelessness.  I can't explain it; I am just moved almost to tears every time I am able to gaze at a place like Lake Tahoe.  Langston Hughes is one of my favorite writers, and one of my favorite poems is his one about the river.  "My soul has grown deep like the river ..."

I used to write a lot of poems, but I really don't anymore because the stuff I write is too depressing kind of like this first scene of my screenplay.

It lost its formatting when I cut and pasted it here but I think you can follow. The screenplay is intense and a little personal in places, so  it's been hard to write, but I have finished about 40 pages. It will be 120 or so when I finish.

I would tell you to enjoy it, but it isn't enjoyable. I just hope it's good writing.

INT. GARAGE - NIGHT

JENNY DAYLEY, 16 white t-shirt, cut-off and bare feet, stands and holds her hands out to her side.  Blood spurts from her wrists.

DEAN KNIGHT, also 17, drags a knife across his wrist and a thin line of blood wells up.

JENNY
I think I am going to dance.

She begins a slow whirling, and the blood spews out from her wrists spattering the walls and floors.

Dean switches the knife into his other hand and slices his other wrist.

He smiles and looks at Jenny, who wobbles.  He rushes to her and grabs her just as she sags toward the floor.

JENNY
Hold me ... Till it's over.

He holds her against him, both sitting on the floor, her blood spilling all over him.

JENNY
I'll be ...

She breathes her last.

DEAN
I'm coming.

He lays her on the floor.

He slashes his wrist and blood spurts.

Outside the garage door, a car pulls into the driveway.

DEAN
Shit.

The automatic opener hums into gear.

He slashes his other wrist.

Headlights bathe the garage; the car screeches to a halt and the door opens.

MILLICENT KNIGHT jumps from the car, staggers slightly, and takes it all in.
She runs to Dean who sways and is about to collapse.

MILLICENT
You stupid boy!

She slaps him across the face and he falls over.

She runs back to her car and grabs her phone.

Follow me on twitter  @stevecrosswords

Summer's Here

Follow me on twitter: @stevecrosswords

And it's time for the Missouri weather to start getting hot and muggy.  We have been lucky so far with fairly cool temperatures and quite a bit of rain.  I feel so sorry for the people in the western USA who are experiencing record droughts.  The droughts, of course, affect us in the Midwest because the price of everything has gone up.

As a common Joe, I see so many things that trouble me about the world we are living in.  Terrorism and civil war all over the place. Extremist groups killing innocent people. I know a lot of religious people say we are in the end times.  I know, people have been saying that for years. I wonder sometimes.  Of course, I have quarrels with religious people who are so close minded that they cannot accept others who believe differently. I always remember that in my interpretation of the life of Jesus that the people who were the religious leaders were the ones he disliked. I started to put down the ones he despises.  However that might be too harsh. I think they disturbed and disappointed him.  I don't judge people unless they hurt other people.  If that makes me an apostate -- that's a word I am hearing thrown around a lot lately -- then I guess I am one.  I can only hope I am forgiven for it.

I do not want to go into a rant today because people will get their hackles up and send me all kinds of nasty messages.  I am merely making some observations.

My birthday is coming up in a couple of days.  I'll be 56. A few years ago I said that if by the time I turned 56 I had not reached a place that seemed satisfactory to me in my writing career that I would give it up. I am not satisfied with my writing career, but I cannot give it up.  I'll be one of these people who think -- right up to the moment they die or the moment they can't think anymore -- that my break is just around the bend, my ship is the next one to land, my success is that next email or phone call. I will likely never achieve the dreams I had when I began writing 30 something years ago. I don't know if it just wasn't mean to be, if I didn't have the right connections, didn't write the right things, didn't have any talent -- whatever.

What I do know is that I get restless and discontented when I am not writing, and the fever of restlessness burns me from the inside out.  It is like being addicted.  You write something and the restlessness goes away, but if you don't do anything for a while it comes back until you have another fix.  The problem is as I get older I lose more and more of my concentration and, I think, my creativity.

Do not think me depressed and disillusioned.  Think of me as looking into reality's  face and deciding if I want to spit  in it or kiss it.  Well as always if you want to comment please feel free.

Time to update. (Follow me on Twitter @stevecrosswords)

 

I wanted to mention a couple of things in this blog today.  First, I have to spread the word on some free software I am using on my Macbook.  It's called Simplemind.  It is a custering, webbing,  graphic organizers software that I am using to plan some of my writing.  I don't do well with traditional outlines.  It is hard for me to sit down and plan out what happens first, second, third etc.  Some people know how to do that better than I.  I don't really think linearly.  I think in associations.  Of course, that is not a good way to plan and write a novel. 

I have so far used the software to plan a YA novel and a play, but I need to go back into the play map and make some alterations.  I set down 21 balloons, write my main events in them, and then I start brainstorming the events to fill in the story and I make connections.  It really works for me.  I imagine there are similar free programs for a PC.  About six month ago, I bought a MAC, and I haven't looked back.  Best decision I have made though it took me a while to get used to it.

If I want to or need to, I can go back in and use the mind map to write a prose summary, but I really don't have to.  The free program I have does everything I need it to.  I can't imagine what they could add to the paid version to make it better for my needs.

The Cardinals fulfilled a need today.  They shut out the Blue Jays 5 to 0. I know that was a quick jump, but it was really a victory they needed.  Grichuk hit his first major league home run.  I would love to see the Cardinals' young players jolt this team out of its complacency.

I am reading Eleanor and Park at the moment.  It's a good book so far.  I love the summers because I can read again.  In the last few weeks, I have read the second in the Miss Peregrine series, the conclusion of the Ashfall trilogy, Speak, and now I'm working on Eleanor and Park.  I love YA literature, especially since I attempt to write it.  The thing I need still is to find my own unique writing voice.  I think I'll get there eventually.

I have been working on a short story today.  It's a science fiction story that I am doing for one of my elance customers.  I have two weeks left to do it.  It's supposed to be about 5,000 words and so far, I have close to 1,400.  I haven't started the story completely from scratch.  I'm basing it loosely on an old screenplay that I wrote.  Loosely, I say because one of these days I would like to have the opportunity should I so choose to revise the screenplay. 

Basically, I won't do any fiction writing for elance unless I can get at least one cent a word.  That's not a lot, but it's work for hire, and most of it is not too difficult.  I have two permanent clients, and so far, I don't think I have had a client who was dissatisfied with my work.

Next weekend, I'm going to a Cardinal game and some time this summer I'm going to New York City.  In the meantime I am writing and doing a lot of reading.  I have enjoyed this first week of summer vacation.  Next week, I am going to work at the school and do some things that will help me to earn a little extra money.  That might come in handy since our classes didn't make this summer.

Actually though, I am glad they didn't make.  I want some time to do some things this summer. I should go for now.

In the mean time, if you would like to hear from me more often follow me on twitter.
@stevecrosswords  I write so many different things on there, there's bound to be something you like.