What should I do?

Fate...Destiny...Will

I don't think my blog is very exciting anymore.  Nor do I know what to do with it.  The problem, I think, is that I am not an organized person who specializes in any one thing.  I do a lot of different things, but none of them excellently.  Some people are artists, writers, builders, speakers -- and there's nothing I do very spectacularly, so therefore what I write is not spectacularly interesting.  I guess I'm -- dare, I say it -- just average in most things.  I wish I could do a lot of things well.  I've always wanted to sing or be a musician;  when I sing, most people prefer that I sing tenor -- ten or more miles away from them.  I sing in the key of "off".  I'm really not that funny either.  Occasionally, I say something funny or I write something funny, but I wouldn't say I'm what you call a major entertaining type person.

My personality is not spectacular either.  I'm common in almost all respects.  Oh, that's just it.  My blog is called the common joe, and its purpose was originally to express beliefs that fit most "common" people -- the common joe.  Joe the plumber.  I guess somewhere I lost my way.  It's easy for me to get sidetracked and to meander around seemingly without direction -- I'm being redundant.  Doesn't meander mean to move around aimlessly?  And I fancy myself a writer.

The truth of the matter is, I think, that I have always thought I have had some great destiny.  I have thought I was put on this earth to be something specific -- something important.  I thought for a while it was to be a great writer -- to win that Nobel Prize for literature and change the world with my acceptance speech.  This isn't going to happen.  I write and I sometimes publish, but I wonder how much I have been read.  Likely not much. I guess I influence some people as a teacher, but there are thousands upon thousands of teachers who do that.

Perhaps, I've always felt inferior, and I've wanted to do something to stand out from the crowd, to rise above the common hordes.  I've never been happy with "common".  But really, there's nothing wrong with being just ordinary.  I know that millions of people are perfectly happy with their simple lives, their simple jobs, and their simple families.  Some of the greatest writers of all time said the key to happiness is to simplify your life.  I should be happy with who and what I am, and I guess for the most part I am, but I still have that nagging doubt.  Am I what I ought to be?

Part of my problem is that I have a mental issue that's a distant cousin to bipolar disorder, and one of the characteristics of bipolar disorder is delusions of grandeur.  Many people like me have these huge, elaborate plans, hopes, and expectations that they just know will all fall into place and make them great people,  not just good, but great.  These are often not realistic.  It becomes a vicious cycle really because I and people like me have these huge, great plans and when they fall through, they fall into depression.  Since our goals are not very rational anyway, we are setting ourselves up for failure.

So, do any of you out there have any advice on how to be satisfied with what you are and not be worried about what you're not?