It is a gray day today. I think it is supposed to get much colder too. The lows in the next ten days will be in the 20's and 30's, and we have a chance of snow showers on Monday and Tuesday. Only one day in the next ten is it supposed to get up to 50 degrees. I slept 12 hours last night and 11 hours the night before. Part of the reason I slept late is because of the gray, depressing day, but also, I think I finally collapsed after several days of not sleeping well. Too much stress for me, and since I have problems with insomnia anyway, the least little bit of stress knocks out my ability to sleep. I take melatonin, and sometimes that helps. The last two nights I have taken half a gram (Milligram?) of Xanax. It is prescribed for me, but I rarely take it. I don't want to take any more medication than I have to. Recently, my doctor changed my prescription for my anti-depressant because it was screwing with my heart and giving me what I can only describe as panic attacks. They weren't bad enough that I couldn't function, but they were certainly keeping me from enjoying my life to its fullest. Every now and then, the doctors have to tinker with what I call my bipolar cocktail, though what I have is not a full-blown form of bipolar. However, it is something that can deteriorate into full-blown bipolar if I don't watch it.
Yeah, that's right. I'm a bit "teched" in the head. It comes to me via my father's side of the family and is definitely chemical in nature. Forms of bipolar disorder run in families, and often, a traumatic experience triggers it. For me, it was in sixth grade when my grandmother died that my problems started, or perhaps, it was in the eighth grade when my friend committed suicide. I just remember that my junior high years were hell. With the exception of one or two memories, the years from sixth through tenth grade are a blur. So much of my life, I have blocked out or forgotten. It is sad in many ways, but in other ways, I know it is simply my mind trying to protect me.
I didn't mean to make this a therapy session. I know people have enough of their own problems that they don't need to hear mine. Oh, well, apparently I needed to say these things. I don't open up very often. It frustrates the hell out of my wife. I guess I don't trust easily.
Yesterday, I opened up a software program I recently purchased called Plot Control. I have sat on my Dean Knight novel for weeks and not done anything. Forget NaNoMoWrite or whatever it is because I didn't do it. The only thing I have really written this month is an article for ACT which was accepted so that helps with income a little bit. Anyway, back to the subject. I looked this software over and I think it will be helpful to me in developing my novel if I ever feel like writing on it again. It is much easier than some things I've seen like dramatica pro. I have never gotten the hang of it. If any of you know any good shortcuts or helpful hints for that thing, let me know. It is just too much for me. I don't even think I get the general premise of it. Well, I have rambled on too much.
"The mournful sun hides
its face in veils of gray clouds.
Tears mist the skin
of creation."
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Sorry to hear you're feeling less than prime. Even more sorry to hear that it's affected your desire to write. I didn't know there was any shortcuts to writing, unless you're talking about something that helps you plot the lumps and bumps that need to go into a story in order to make it interesting. I didn't know there was anything that helped with that either, not really. I've seen all manner of advice on the subject, but I always chocked it up to everyone has their own method and not every method will work for someone else. I just try to tell the story and so far it seems to work well enough - seemingly. Hope you get to feeling better soon.
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