I've labeled this a contemplation. I am an introvert which means basically I am lost in my own head most of the time. If you're not an introvert, you probably have trouble believing people do that. Or maybe you see introverts and your impression of them is that they are aloof or arrogant. Maybe even snobbish.
What is actually happening to introverts is that we are tryig to sort through a whirlwind of thoughts. You've heard the expression that someone is overthinking something. Introverts do this all of the time. Thinking in and of itself is not a bad thing, but to me, it is exhausting because I don't think in a logical, rational way. I think by association which means that one thing makes me think of something else which makes me think of something else -- it's kind of like getting lost in links on the Internet, but the Internet does have a home button. I can't always find mine. Maybe a better allusion would be it's like the old pinball machines. The ball zooms all over the place and it hits things and pings everytime it does.
A few days ago, I was reading a pretty deep philosophical book written by Linda Seger who is not only one of the best screenplay consultants around, but she is also a deeply spiritual woman. The book was entitled, Spiritual Steps on the Road to Success: Gaining the Goal Without Losing Your Soul. I recommend this book to everyone even if you don't consider yourself spiritual.
This is my second of what will probably be many more times reading it. As I read it, I get all kinds of insights. It's like the pinging in my head. Every time I read something that connects, I think about how awesome it is. Then, after I finish reading a chapter or two and the inspiration of the moment leaves me, I think, What did I just read? I can sometimes pull out a main point or two, but when I start trying to put it all together, it doesn't work. It's like finishing a game of pinball and not knowing what your score was.
As I thought of this, my mind shifted to music. I'm not sure why. I thought how one musical chord no matter how beautiful does not make a complete song. I guess since I was reading a spiritual book, my mind shifted to kind deeds and how one kind deed every once in a while doesn't make a kind person. Just like in music, one chord doesn't make a song. If you aren't kind most of the time, then you might as well not be kind at all.
Let me explain what I mean. Sometimes a kind word doesn't mean anything if it doesn't happen much. In fact, a kind word once in a while just makes it worse when the harsh ones come back. Think about it; someone says 9 mean things to you and then 1 kind thing. Immediately your guard goes up. I don't trust the one kind thing at all. With unkind people, what will usually follow the one kind word is a whole bunch on unkind things. Those unkind things absolutely crush a person's self esteem. It's like a dog that hangs around someone who beats them because every once in a while the person gives them a treat.
The results of being unkind to someone echo through the years. A person who has been treated badly whether by bullies, abusive partners, or any abusive person in positions of power never loses those wounds. They can do great things nine times in a row, but when they mess up one time, that's all they think about. I'm that kind of person. I can have one really bad experience and forget the 100 good ones that I had before it.
Even when someone tells you, you've done a good job, but ... all you can think about is, "I wasn't good enough."
Seger talks a lot about writers in her book. Introverts frequently take up writing, but in some cases it's the worst thing they can do. In writing, rejection hits you far more times than acceptance does, and even when something good happens, you can't rejoice much because you know that rejection is right around the corner.
Maybe that's why I found myself reading Linda Seger's book. Maybe I have begun to feel like I'm losing my soul because I don't have the success I want to have (though I probably couldn't define what success to me as a writer would consist of.) Maybe, I needed to go back to what success should mean.
Anyway, I've circled back now. I wanted to talk about the insight I got out of reading Seger's book.
One musical chord, though beautiful, can not make a beautiful song
just like only
One kind word does not make a beautiful person.
#crossybte
I hope you are kind all the time to those who need it the most: the weird, the homely, the odd, the poor, the destitute, the lost, the sick, and all of the people who need a kind word, well, more than one kind word. It hurts more if one kind word is followed by nine bad ones than if there are ten unkind ones.
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