I've struggled with what I want to do with my blog, and one of my former students suggested I base them on the #crossbytes I used to make up for my seniors when the time for their graduation neared. Since so many seniors might not experience the joy of graduation, I thought now might be a good time to start.
It’s May 15 as I write this. As I sit here and wonder what tomorrow might bring, I realize we have no guarantee of tomorrow. I also realize that if we spend each day worrying about whether or not we have tomorrow, the time will pass until we really don’t, and then we’ll realize how much time we wasted worrying about it. You might have to read that twice, but sooner or later it will make sense to you.
I’m thinking of my new novel, Masters of Camelot. One of the themes of this novel is that today, tomorrow and yesterday are all connected. The roots that we planted grow into the trees of today and those roots will extend into the future. The subject matter is Camelot and we know how the stories of Camelot have passed from generation to generation, and as long as we believe there is a place for heroes and that there should be might for right, then the stories will continue to be passed along. I fear that might not be much longer.
Don't look so far back into then or so forward to when that you overlook now. #crossbyte
I wrote this crossbyte about five years ago. I don’t think I have ever written anything that is more relevant than this. I think about where I am now and realize that I need to appreciate the now. I’m 61 and I have prostate cancer. It was caught early and probably the surgery will get all of it, and I could live many more years, but -- therein lies the issue. I put the emphasis on could. I just read in our local paper that a nearby long-term facility has become a hot-spot for Covid 19. I think about how I have a compromised immune system with my cancer and how I also have sleep apnea. I could be one of those people gasping for breath on a ventilator. It's a depressing, bleak thought, and I wish I could stop thinking it, but there are times when I can't, when the very anxiety I feel about it bring on the symptoms that terrify me.
I have tried not to dwell on such possibilities because they drain out the joy of the now. What about now?
This morning, it was a cool 65 degrees, so I want outside to drink my coffee and say my morning prayers. My little dog joined me and sat on my lap and enjoyed the moment as much as I. As I sipped my coffee, I listened to a chorus of birds: blue jays, mockingbirds, cardinals. It was a grand and glorious sound. Somewhere nearby, a croaking frog joined in. Even though his song was not as beautiful as the birds, I couldn’t help thinking of the verse in the Bible that says, “Make a joyful noise.” This frog sounded pretty joyful.
I’m bipolar and the smallest things get me down. Lately, I have thought a lot about the writing I do. It’s been a couple of months since I’ve had any good news about it, and this morning I found out that a screenplay I’d entered in two contests tanked badly. I sometimes wonder if my writing is something I should just forget. It takes time away from other things I could be doing for sure. Then I think about how much fun it is and how much power and satisfaction I feel when I am creating my worlds. I believe that writing is something that connects me with the only creator and writer that matters, and because of that, I’ll keep at it even if I never sell another thing.
While the roots of our lives stretch back, we have to remember that without them, we wouldn’t be the flower we are today and we wouldn’t have the chance to keep flowering in the future. I find it difficult to capture my thoughts with words, so the preceding sentence may make no sense to you, but the bottom line is this:
Don’t put off today by worrying too much about yesterday or tomorrow. Today is all we are guaranteed.
Just in case you might like to buy it, I’m posting the link to Masters of Camelot.
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